I have discovered a cure for baldness

State of the art tech makes the cold naked scalp of the middle aged white guy a thing of the past.

I have sent the following email to Rogaine in the hopes of marketing my new technology. So far I have yet to hear back from them, probably because they are busy celebrating how awesome I am:

Dear sirs,

I have invented a cure for baldness. This technology is capable of transforming a shiny bald scalp into a furry mantle of womanizing allure.

I would have to await your bid before going into further detail about the device, but I will let you know that I have decided to name it the "Cat Hat."

Minor side effects include various scratch marks, allergies, and being peed on.

You may also be interested in my breast augmentation device, which is based on the same technology.

I am glad that I will be able to share my brilliance with others. Genius is not an easy burden!