The Roommate Code of Conduct

  • I will not light more than three things in the room on fire per day, unless exceptionally dispositioned otherwise.
  • At least once during the year, I will shuffle stuff around on my side of the room so that it looks clean(er).
  • At least twice a year, I will conduct an inspection for dangerous looking growths, and report the larger ones to OSHA or one of its subsidiaries.
  • During surprise room inspections, I will do my best to conceal any evidence that incriminates my roommate for any crimes, wrong doing, or treasonous activities.
  • Before doing something blatantly illegal, I will first discuss it with my roommate. I will do so sufficiently ahead of time that he may work these activities into his schedule.
  • I will not harm my roommate in any way, unless to do so would be amusing for one or both of us.
  • To the best of my abilities, I will excercize controlled targetting when using the lavatory.
  • Out of national pride, I will shower more regularly than the French.
  • Animals killed on my side of the room are my responsibility.
  • As are people.
  • I will not keep detailed logs of my roommate's activities, nor of my own activities in so much as they might be used against him in a court subpoena.
  • I will not issue a court subpoena against my roommate.
  • Generally.
  • I will not auction my roommate's internal organs on ebay.
  • I will not use anisotropic calculations when determining which half of the room is technically mine.
  • I will not sing the llama song more than two-hundred times.
  • I will not actively seek to make other people's live more difficult.
  • Except for Fabian. (our RA)