"What are we doing in the sewer's again, bin Pappy?"
"We are searching for the Holy Korans that the evil Americans keep flushing down the toilet."
"Is this one?"
"No my Osama bin Son, that's, um, er... I think you better put that back down. Ewe."
* * *
"And so social security clearly has enough money to last error-error-error-error-error-error-error-error--" Condoleeza hit the Reid robot on the side of its head "until 2149."
"Hmm..." Condoleeza muttered, "It looks like I am going to have to remove the math subroutines if I want to make this realistic."
"Condi, have you got that copy of the Koran I checked out from the Library of Congress? The presidential stall is running low again."
"Since when have you ever been to a library?"
"Well... have you seen the copy that I made Scott check out for me?"
"What's left of it is set in a glass display in the lobby. We are trying to show that we respect Islam as a religion and hold its followers in high-esteem, even if we have differing religious beliefs."
"Ok, well, my next presidential decree is that the case should be moved from the lobby to right next to the presidential stall. Also, I would like a copy of the key."
* * *
"And so social security clearly has enough money to last until 2149!" Sen. Reid shouted.
His stuffed animals refrained from a wild eruption of applause.
Reid, paused. Some of his animals looked a little strange. In fact, they looked strikingly like Whitehouse staff members in fuzzy animal costumes. Even odder, they were walking toward him with a cloth soaked in ether.
* * *
Osama bin Laden and bin Pappy walked down the street. Bystanders kept a healthy ten foot radius of separation between them.
"Hey, you stink!" a small child helpfully shouted.
"Osama bin Pappy, why did we find no Holy Korans in the sewers?"
"There can be only one possibility my Osama bin Son--Newsweek lied to us! And here I thought we were on good terms! Well, I'm not sending them any more cookies at Christmas. In fact, THIS MEANS WAR!"
* * *
"Let me go!" Reid shouted. He was tied to a chair in his bedroom with sheets from his specially made racecar bed. "I'll report you!"
"No, Senator. You will do exactly what we tell you to do. Robot Reid! Come here!"
From the shadows emerged an identical replica of Senator Reid.
"I hate Bush. I hate Republicans. I hate America. I am Senator Reid, not a robot replica."
"Noooooooooo! I'm the real Reid!"
"We'll see about that," Condi cackled.
* * *
"Nobody move!" Osama bin Laden yelled, as he and bin Pappy crashed through the doors of Newsweek headquarters.
"We're going to blow you all up!"
The door guard hit the alarm and dozens of large muscular men poured in the room.
The guards moved in about twelve feet then stopped. Bin Laden and bin Pappy cowered in terror.
"What are you waiting for!?" the guard asked.
"They smell like they've been living under an outhouse."
"Yeah, I'm not touching them."
"Dude! Somebody get the firehose and a bucket of soap!"
* * *
"In other news, Newsweek is now under scrutiny for their alleged assault of two homeless men with a firehose. Senator Reid has made the startling announcement that he 'is not a robot.' Also, he can now stick refridgerator magnets to his head. Criticizers of the Bush administration have pointed out that no one on Bush's cabinet exhibits properties of a ferromagnetic cranium. Could this be evidence of rampant anti-magnetism in the Republican party?"
- earth day
- green toilet
- harsh realities
- interior decorating
- white people