Because Deep Down, Tech Support People Love This Kind of Stuff

So... I was bored, and thought I'd make some other people's lives slightly more interesting. Who would most require my talents? I know! Tech support! There's a boring job!

Thus, I sent the following email to Hewlett Packard about my printer:

ok so i have a bunch of cats at my house one is a housecat named tom and he loves the printer because of the noises it makes and will always run over to it when i'm trying to print something and paw at the paper which annoys me but i guess this time he learned his lesson because another cat i have who is a callico named samantha is always playing with him and pouncing on him, well this tiime he was pawing at the paper again and she snuck up on him and pounced and he jumped up in the air and flipped around and got all poofed up well his tail is kind of droopy because it got slammed in the trunk by my mom a little while back and anyway it got sucked in with the paper and he was yowling like you wouldn't believe and i was panicking trying to get near it with him yowling and his and he eventually got free but not before i dinged up the printer pretty good trying to get him out and i was wondering if there was any way to get it fixed?

I was hoping for an amusing response, but at least they wrote back:

Greetings, Shelton. Thank you for contacting HP Customer Care. My name is Adam, and I'll be the one handling your case regarding your LaserJet 1012 and the issue with a broken printer after your cat got caught in the paper path. Your case number is ************.

Unfortunately, Shelton, HP cannot authorize in-warranty repairs for your cat?s misfortune. However, you do still have some options through us....


I also requested some specs on military weakness from the UK-Canadian embassy (I've given up on France, since they just send me spam) and I have successfully verified that the UK-Mexican embassy has bathrooms. That last line of inquiry is still developing... could get interesting.

I really need to hook another spammer. They're a lot more fun because I have no moral qualms about elaborate deceits/wasting their time. ;)