Earth day!

As you may know, I am a scientist, and as a scientist, I would like to share with you some of the things that scientists have discovered about earth:

*Earth may be the awesomest planet, but it is not the coolest. The coolest planet is Neptune, which has an average temperature of -225 Celsius.
*Earth is also not the largest planet. That would be your mom.
*If you were to observe what earth looks like from the perspective of its moon, you would immediately asphyxiate and die because the moon has no atmosphere.
*Earth is home to millions of living species. An example would be the blobfish.
*If you ever vacation on earth, you should take a towel, because most of earth's surface is covered in water.
*Water on earth is near its triple point conditions, which means it exists in three phases and nine unique flavors.
*Some cultures have worshiped earth as a deity. But these same cultures probably pooed on it, too, so take that as you will.
*Earth has a powerful magnetic field. This helps large metal objects such as washingmachines stick to its surface without floating away.
*The best way to save the earth for our posterity is to recycle. The best way to recycle is to stop consuming new things and instead use old things which are no longer serving a purpose. For example, you could use the fossil byproducts of ancient plant matter to power a joyride to the mall.
*The earth is not a perfect sphere. Its shape is actually that of an oblate spheroid, i.e., a sphere that is a little chubby around the mid-section. It also weighs approximately 5.9736 × 1024 kilograms, so, yeah, not gonna win any swimsuit competitions.
*If you're stuck on earth, don't worry, outer space is only 73 miles away.
*Earth has survived solar storms, asteroid impacts, and magnetic pole reversals, but may ultimately be rendered uninhabitable by cow farts and oversize passenger vehicles.
*Earth's highest point is Mt. Everest. Earth's lowest point was when Dr. Phil appeared on the Tonight Show.


Hat said...

Lawlz and amazingness.