Who the [bleep] do I think I am?

My answers to Frank's questions.

1. Who the [bleep] do you think you are?
I am sackofcatfood, destroyer of worlds, feeder of cats.

2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumb[bleep]?
Fast? HA! You grossly overestimate the quality of our service!
Actually, I'm the guy who pops up the next kleenex. Isn't that scary?

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?
When I was six my class visited the local newspaper plant. He he, when you're that small, it's easy to dart around and press buttons when nobody's looking. ;)
If I can ever get past security again, I am so pressing all the buttons that I couldn't reach back then!

4. Do you even read newspapers?
Journals of mathematics: yes. Newspapers: no.
I guess you're right about my being an ignorant hick.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?
That would require a television. Besides, why listen to the news when you can write your own? It's pretty easy, actually. Photoshop + CBS = Instant Headlines.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?
Of course! I have to get my right-wing marching orders from somewhere!
(That reminds me, I'm supposed to go berserk and start killing hippies at the mention of a secret code word. Does anybody remember what the code word is supposed to be? I could have sworn I had it written it down somewhere. . . .)

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?
No, no, no. You are really confused about how things work. *I'M* the one who sends out the faxes. Well, actually, I send them Larry down in propaganda and he checks them over for grammar and spelling before sending them off to Howard Dean (he's our #1double-agent/party-leader; works behind enemy lines making them look like whacko nutcases). He's the one who gives them the final OK.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?
Hey, don't go pinning that one on me; that was Karl Rove's idea. MY idea was to have them all whacked.

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?
Where does having photoshopped a fake passport classify me?

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?
I live in New Mexico. Why go to all the trouble of visiting when the entire population of another country is coming to visit me?

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?
War? Huh? What war?
I thought we had established that I don't read newspapers?

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?
I resent your blatant condescension toward gelatinous Americans.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?
Duh, how else would I know if there was a prize inside?

14. Once again, who the [bleep] do you think you are?!
Once again, I am sackofcatfood, destroyer of worlds; dietary supplement of kitty-kats.