Welfare, An Informative Introduction

Today's post is a brief informative essay on how to take advantage of one of our government's most popular social services.

As they say, there are many paths to riches. Some of them cross through treacherous mountains and dangerous valleys. Others lead through dark forests and impassible swamps. One of them is a paved walkway that goes right to your doorstep. This last one is the welfare program. Wait a minute, you say, doesn't earning wealth require hard work and dedication? No! Each year your congressmen pour billions of dollars into paying people not to work. This is done by adding more and more taxes to the hardworking folk until a distinct foamy paste oozes out their ears. In other words, the "work" part has already been done for you!

There are several key ideas here: Make sure you don't have a job. If you can support yourself, the government will tax you. This is very expensive. Welfare is free!

Now, if you are unable to provide for yourself and your family, what would you absolutely not want to do? That's right! More kids! If you can't even provide for your family now, there's no way you would be able to pay for three more bottomless digestive tracks. This is why the government will provide you with even more money for every child you have. It's that simple!

This is a bit of spoiler, but there are many other social programs that you can cash in on once you have a bunch of kids you are unable to support. Always be on the lookout for free cash from the government. Remember, today's poorly-conceived government handout is tomorrow's entitlement benefit.

Finally, keep the system afloat. Get your family members to sign up. This not only generates more revenue, it also reinforces the government's conception that this is an important program that many people depend on.