In our last episode, President Bush made a deal with space aliens and Osama bin Laden learned about diapers.
"Foo! Nobody messes with Mr.T!"
Osama bin Laden yelped as Mr.T picked him up and hurled him through the bar window. As he was struggling to get up, he was eclipsed by a large shadow.
"Prepare for pain, foo!"
Osama whimpered. This was the end, he was sure. He would never make it out of this one. If only he hadn't asked this very large man if he wore a diaper. . . .
"H-e-y-y-y... wh-a-a-a-t-s... h-a-a-a-p-e-n-i-i-n-g!"
Suddenly, Mr. T was eclipsed in a bright light and then he vanished.
Bin Laden lowered his hands from his face and looked around, but Mr. T was no where in sight.
"Thanks Allah!" he shouted.
Bin Laden brushed himself off and walked three feet before falling down an open manhole.
* * *
The bright white fire of the welder illuminated Condi's mask as she finished up the last of her touches on the Harry Reid automaton. Finally, she pulled back her mask and wiped the sweat from her brow.
"How's it coming!?" Bush asked.
"I think this is it, " Condi said. "Rant capacity is up to six hours. And I've added two backup spittle reserves. No one will ever know the difference. Well, except for the real Senator Reid."
"What if he explodes?"
"That is possibly the stupidest question I've ever heard."
"Well, anyway, you should hide this somewhere until we're ready."
"I don't know, the closet?"
* * *
Osama bin Pappy carefully spliced together the wires of a detonator. One wrong move and... hey, wouldn't it have been better to wait till after building the bomb to put the batteries in?
Carefully, ever carefully, he placed the lid on the detonator and began to screw it on. A large explosion would be the perfect cover for their departure from New York.
"Pappy, I'm home!"
"My son... you smell like a camel!"
"I spent some time in American sewers... uh... mapping them out for possible terrorist activities."
"Well, you're just in time! My bomb is complete! Come, we shall find the nearest orphanage and blow it to smithereens!"
Bin Pappy paused for a moment.
"After you take a bath."
* * *
"Hey, stop pushing!"
"Shh... quiet you moron!"
Bumbling into one another, Senator Reid and Senator Clinton ducked into the bushes next to the Whiteouse.
"Alright Harry, now you have to go in."
"Me? Why me?"
"Because if they catch me around here they're going to be wanting their furniture and silverware back."
"Fine, just give me the keys.
* * *
"Hello. We are needing to use the bathroom."
"Sure. It's down the hall and to the left."
Bin Laden and bin Pappy smirked under the disguise of their dark sunglasses. This was too easy.
They entered the bathroom together, carrying a large box and receiving at least a few very odd looks.
"Here, under the sink!" bin Pappy whispered.
They secured the package and swiftly made their exit, remembering to flush, just for the show of it, which probably resulted in even more odd looks.
As they hurried down the street, Osama bin Pappy pulled out his remote detonator.
"At last! A chance to do something heinously evil!"
Just then, bin Laden and bin Pappy heard a high pitched screetching sound come from the sky above them. They looked up, and whimpered in terror as a great silvery oblong craft crashed down upon them.
The craft skidded a few times along the street ripping up signs and cutting into building before finally coming to a halt. On one of the exterior sides, a hatch burst off and clattered to the pavement. It was followed by three skinny gray aliens who were hurled out of the opening with great force.
"Foos! Nobody messes with Mr. T!"
- earth day
- green toilet
- harsh realities
- interior decorating
- white people