Osama bin Pappy: Beginnings of a Strange Turn of Events

"Goochie goochie goooo!!!"
Osama bin Laden watched as the mother of a baby infidel tickled its chin and made faces at it. As bizaar as that was, what was even more bizaar was that the child seemed to have a turban wrapped around its butt. Did all infidels wear turbans around their butts?
"Duuude! Look out!"
Osama bin Laden yelped as some kid rocketing down the sidewalk with crutches and a skateboard pommeled in to him. Osama bin Laden groaned as he tried to get up. The kid stumbled to his feet, which was rather difficult seeing as at this point he had acquired no small number of casts and bandages.
"Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?" he asked.
"What, uh, no. I'm, uh, visiting... from Mexico. You couldn't possibly have seen me before... uh, you gringo!"
"I could have sworn I had written about you in my blog. . . . Are you sure you aren't a terrorist from Sudan?"
Bin Laden tried to think quickly. His cover might be blown. How could he convince this fellow that he was just another American infidel?
"Woah, dude, that's more than I needed to know. I'm going to be leaving now. . . sorry about running into you. I think I've almost got the hang of this thing, actually."
The kid started his way down the sidewalk and made it about halfway down the block before running into a lamppost.
Stupid American, bin Laden thought.
* * *
"Forty boxes of Cheez-Its."
"Thirty nine."
"Then no more messing with the brainwaves of the homeless!"
"Fine, you win. Forty boxes it is. Just give us some of your DNA to finalize the agreement."
"Ow! That hurt!"
"Hee hee hee. Sometimes older technology has its advantages."
The aliens all laughed as they left.
"You know," Laura said, "You can get Cheez-Its from the store."
"Yes, but I never remember to pick them up. Besides, I specifically told the aliens they could only abduct Democrats. They're delusional anyway... won't make any difference."
Just then, Harry Reid jumped out of the shadows.
"I knew it! I knew the Republicans were making secret deals with aliens to win the elections! Just wait till I tell everybody! I'm going to expose you to the whole--"
Suddenly, Reid drooped forward and went silent.
"What do you think?" asked Rice.
"I built him myself."
"It's perfect!" Bush exclaimed. "How long can he spittle and rant for?"
"Only 3 hours. I'll have to upgrade his batteries before we try and pull the switcheroo. I also programmed him to make balloon animals."
"Man," Scott McClellan said, "Things have really gotten weird around here."
"Tell me about it!" exclaimed Laura. "Those aliens don't even know how to put the seat down! How they made it to becoming a Type II civilization I will never know."
* * *
"What are you doing?" bin Pappy asked.
"I'm plotting our travel plans. "
"I meant about the turban that is sticking out of your pants."
"Oh, uh, I was just trying to blend in with the American infidels."
Bin Pappy sighed.
"You are very strange, my son."