Osama bin Laden came up from his snorkeling, gasping.
"I still don't see it bin Pappy! There's no pineapple down there, I'm sure!"
"Keep looking!"
"Wait, I do see something, it's... AH!"
Without warning, a submarine surfaced under Osama bin Laden and Osama bin Pappy. It was the U.S.S. Jimmy Carter.
"Ahoy there! You look like terrorists! We were wondering if there was anything we could do to help you out!"
"What do you mean?"
"We're the U.S.S Jimmuh. We appease terrorists so they won't hurt anyone. Gee-whillikers, we'd hate for you to hurt anyone. So we'll try and be nice to you! Hopefully, if we're nice to you, you won't hurt nobody!"
Bin Pappy and bin Laden talked this over with themselves.
"Can you take us to the bottom of the sea?"
"You betcha! Hop on board, fella's!"

* * *

Out from the depths of the DNC, a dark creature emerged, a hood concealing its face in shadow. The air turned chill.

* * *

"WOO-HOO!" Bush shouted. "Presidents Day! A day just for me!"
"It's also for Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter" Laura remined him. "And don't forget that there are a lot of dead presidents too."
"Yeah, well, I've blown up more stuff than them. So, what did you get me for President's day?"
Laura sighed and shook her head.
"We should throw a party!" cried Jenna and Barbara.
Bush glared at them.
"No drinking. It will come back to bite you when you run for president."
"But we don't want to..."
"Silence! Jeb can't live forever, and we need someone to carry on the dynasty when I'm gone! Now go washup for dinner."
As the Bush twins left, Karl Rove entered the room.
"I have bad new George. The RNC is under attack."
"What do you mean?"
"Come see for yourself."

* * *

Deep in the Pacific ocean, the U.S.S. Jimmuh sunk towards the dark sea floor.
"Soon! Soon, my Osama bin Son! We shall be known as the most heartless terrorists the world has ever known! Er, I mean, we'll be good and won't hurt anybody."
Bin Pappy glanced over at the captain of the U.S.S. Jimmuh. The captain smiled and waved at him.
"Stupid Americans. It's a good thing they're so dumb. Otherwise we might-- BLAM!"
Osama bin Pappy was thrown to the deck.
"What happened?"
"Something ran into us!"
"What!?"
"I don't know!"
"BLAM!"
The submarine shook violently.
"BLAM! BLAM!"
"What in the world is hitting us?"
"Captain look, here, through the periscope!"
"Oh no, I can't believe it! We're doomed! Doomed!"
"What for Allah's sake, what is it!?" cried bin Laden.
"It's... it's... AN UNDERWATER RABBIT SIR! He's going to kick through the hull!"
"Quick, deploy the canoe paddles!"
"I'm trying, sir! He's damaged the controls!"
"WE'RE DOOOMED!"