Let's erect monuments to everyone who leaves their girlfriend to drown!

Here's the trivial, inconsequential news of the day:

Ted Kennedy is proposing a monument to himself. Personally, I suggest setting up an honorary plaque in his name at Chappaquiddick.

Telemarketers are starting to get hostile. This woman got a threatening letter after she hung up the phone. Personally, I would have suggested asking for more information and simply leaving the phone off the hook. But then, I love getting mail. ;)

Here's yet another story debunking left-wing delusions that the vote was rigged. That reminds me; I need to send a very nice Christmas card to Halliburton.

I have good news for those of you suffering from inexplicable migraines. It may be because you have a 5cm nail in your skull. Who would have guessed?

After a brief chase, police were able to capture a riding mower thief. He thought he could outrun the police, but they had their own riding mowers souped up to go 15mph--much faster than is available to ordinary civilians.

If I were the police chief, I would have chased him around my front yard for awhile. Heck, probably could pick up some tips chasing him around my neighbor's front yards too.

Talk about lame get-a-ways. I heard he was taken cutoff at the pass by two old ladies in motorized shopping carts.

One of those schools that mail you your degree is in trouble because they gave a Master of Business Administration to a cat. Hmm... and here I though it was just an eccentric quirk that my employer spends all day licking himelf.

My fellow Christian readers may be pleased to learn that down at NPR, they think we should all burn. It's all about having the right enemies, folks. If they thought we were cool, I might be a bit worried.

In yet another valuable application of government money, scientists have discovered that prairie dogs have their own language. As if this weren't blindingly obvious. Heck, I could even have translated for them. For example, I have learned that "eep! eep!" means "Haul for cover guys! The psychopath with the 8000 PSI BB gun is sniping us from behind the rock!"