John Kerry Spam

In an effort to turn the tide of the election, the Kerry campaign has been spamming my inbox with reasons why Bush sucks. They know that however I vote will determine the race, at least in whatever precinct it is that exists inbetween my computer and my bed, which on average is about the farthest I move in a day. Recently, to conserve on electricity costs, they switched over to one word subject lines. You can tell they're hard up. Anyway, here, with commentary, is one of their latest emails titled "Incompetence":

Dear Sarah,
Ok, that's a pretty bad start, right there.

This morning, The New York Times published a story that offers further proof of how the Bush administration's incompetence and arrogance has endangered the lives of our troops and the American people.
Forgive me for having taken four years of honors English, but it is 'have', 'have' you ignorant boob! If you are going to insult someone's competence, as a general rule you should at least wait until the next sentence to start butchering the English language.

Even before invading Iraq, the Bush administration knew that a huge facility called Al Qaqaa contained nearly 380 tons of deadly explosives.
Impossible! There were no weapons in Iraq! What would peace-loving Saddam Hussein want with a bunch of explosives? And not just regular explosives, but deadly explosives, no less! That's way worse!

Despite the fact that they knew exactly where this facility was and what was there, they took no action to secure or protect the site.
Wow, that's dirty politics, stealing from John Kerry's "take no action" platform.

Due to the stunning incompetence of the Bush administration and their incomprehensible failure to plan, these explosives have disappeared.
Have we ruled out blaming this on David Copperfield?

Let me put this in perspective -- the bomb that took down Pan Am Flight 103 over Scotland used less than one pound of this same explosive. There were 760,000 pounds at Al Qaqaa.
Crikey! They are planning to blow up 760,000 planes over Scotland! Save us, John Kerry! Please save us!

You can read
I think that's being overly optimistic about your target audience....

the article by visiting:

What a fitting place to find a NYT article. It's actually worth reading, if only to see how far off Mr.Lockhart is from even the liberal Times' portrayal of this story.

Our troops are the best-trained and best-led forces in the world, (emphasis mine)
I'm glad you agree. That's precisely why I plan on re-electing their commander-in-chief next week.

and they have been doing their job honorably and bravely.
Really? They haven't "personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages in a fashion reminiscent of Ghengis Khan, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside" as John Kerry accused his fellow veterans of doing, back in the day? Military discipline sure has improved. And now it's more politically expedient to "support" the troops than to falsely accuse them of war atrocities.

The problem is the commander in chief has not being doing his.
Doing his... what? His hair?

George Bush refuses to recognize his failures in Iraq, so he can't fix them and is doomed to repeat them.
The funny thing is that John Kerry can't even be accused of any significant failures because he hasn't done anything significant. Think up all the things John Kerry did in his 20 years in the senate that have affected you, and subtract all the ones where the effect was negative. Zero minus zero equals. . . ZERO!

Thank you,
Joe Lockhart
Senior Advisor

Senior advisor... didn't that used to be Sandy "I-Stick-Classified-Documents-Down-my-Pants" Berger's job?

Well, apart from calling me "Sarah", it was a pretty nice effort. Keep this up and you might just convince the people who have signed up for your campaign mail to vote for you.

(DrudgeReport: The explosives were already missing April 10, 2003, just after the invasion.)