Headlines and Breadlines

From Drudge: "Food and Drug Administration and drug makers are expected to announce an agreement Monday to put tiny radio antennas on labels of millions of medicine bottles to combat counterfeiting, abuse and fraud... Developing..."

Some may decry antennaes in pharmaceuticals as invasive, but I think remote control drugs are a great idea.

Imagine the expression on a senior citizen's face when his prescription drugs zoom away just as he's reaching for them:

Future of Prescription Drugs

What's more, we could have prescription drug races... the winner gets free healthcare.

I think this is the first great idea to come out of the FDA in a long time.

Also from Drudge, "Earnings of many top university presidents are spiraling toward $1 million a year...".
Funny, it feels like that's where my tuition is spiraling. . . .

The UK is fighting their obesity problem by banning junk food ads. This just goes to confirm my theory that it is junk food ads, not junk food, that makes you fat. You heard it here first, folks, the patented Mish Mash DietTM. Eat all you like as long as you avoid pictures of fattening foods, and you'll be fine. The trick is to not let your body know how many calories you eat. If you blindfold yourself, you can walk into a McDonalds and order the "Big Huge Supersized Double Whopper and a Half" and, for all your body knows, you just ate the "Tasteless Tofu Burger Subsitute" (now with 33% less taste). Of course, even glance at a picture of an actual "Big Huge Supersized Double Whopper and a Half" and your body will at once realize that it was duped and throw on an extra 20 pounds in retribution. So by wearing a silly looking blindfold and perpetually living a life in fear of being exposed to imagery of fattening foods, you can easily lose hundreds of pounds, and not just because the social derision will keep you away from public eating places.

But that's not all the crazy Brits have come up with. Tony blair is trying to get rid of the "transatlantic rift". I think by that he means the Atlantic Ocean. I don't know where he's planning on putting it. Or what he's going to fill it in with. I have a few jokes I could make about a certain bloated prevaricating left wing documentary filmmaker; but why spoil the fun? Use your imagination.

New Mexico votes are still trickling in. What did I tell you about this place? If you've been keeping track, you may note that as more votes are counted, the victory margin ever-shrinks. . . .

The Clinton Presidential Library is opening this week. I'm glad they finally have a place to stack all those unread copies of "My Life". But I don't know that this guy needs anymore monuments to his ego. Who writes a thousand page book about themselves? I would have trouble coming up with five worthwhile paragraphs. Unless could use. Sentence fragments. Easy write many sentence. That way.

Alas, I'm afraid I'm going to have to close on a less-than lighthearted note today because some people are evil evil evil monstrous caricatures of human beings.

"'It is a female ... missing all four appendages, with a slashed throat and disemboweled, she has been dead for a while but only in this location for a day or two,' said a Navy Corps hospital apprentice who had inspected the body."

Never forget what we're up against.