Do ghosts exist? Do they interact with people? Could we possibly use them as a renewable energy source?

The answer to all these questions is, YES!

Ghosts not only exist, they totally rock. Or, at least, the ones that haunt my dorm do. They are fanatical neat-nicks and try and clean up all the messes around the dorm. They don't really put much of a dint in the cumulative work of two-hundred sloppy undergrads, but it's fun to watch them try. Occasionally, they get fed up and try and scare us away with all that shreaking, jittering the lights, and physically manifesting as a dead corpse stuff that ghosts do. It's pretty annoying if you're trying to sleep.

If you have ghosts around the house, you have to be careful when you are cleaning, because they can get sucked up into the vacuum cleaner. They could also end up in the lint trap, so don't close your dryer too quickly when you're doing laundry. Most ghosts will be kind of upset if that happens.

There are a bunch of different types of ghost. Some are friendly, some are oblivious, and some are the "scary" kind who died a horrible death and seek revenge on the living. We had one of those around here for a little while. She thought she was pretty tough-stuff until she got accidentally shut in Jason's dirty underwear drawer for a week. Ghosts can be pretty scary sometimes, but not as scary as Jason's old underwear.

The absolute worst kind of ghost to have is Abraham Lincoln. Seriously. He is bloody annoying and he never sleeps. And he thinks he is some kind of comedian, always playing "practical jokes" like switching the sugar and the salt. What the heck is up with that? Is he, like, four years old or something? If your house is haunted by Abraham Lincoln, the best thing to do is just move. It is not worth putting up with him and unlike other ghosts you can't suck him up in the vacuum cleaner on account of his top hat is too big.