Anti-gravity Club

Apparently, my school is going to have an anti-gravity club.

At first I thought this would be a political organization which would organize protest marches and write letters antagonizing gravity and its senseless deformation of spacetime. But actually it is about thwarting gravity as a physical force by buying powerful magnets and spinning them at high revolutions. (This kind of idea is what happens when internet access falls into the wrong hands.)

I guess pseudoscience is a lot like magic in that the effect is always contingent on finding something quaint but generally available and adding a ritual.
Magic: add newt eyes to cauldron, stir while chanting in a forgotten tongue.
Psuedoscience: add neodynium magnets to box, spin while eating pizza and talking about Star Trek.

I felt kind of sorry for the kid who was trying to sell this, because he chose to do so in my physics class. A general rule of thumb for anti-gravity devices, time portals, and perpetual motion machines is that you take a brief walk over to the humanities department before you do any marketing. You don't want to be talking to someone who knows tensor calculus when you start invoking silly neologisms like "time-matrix."

Personally, I have been working on my own miracle pseudoscience invention called the Reduced Mass Electrochemical Energy Transfer Catalyzation Transmogrifier. The precise details are of course highly technical, but the basic apparatus consists of an energy crystal, neodynium magnets, capacitors, resistors, pecans, and a small block of lead encased in a metal tin wrapped with copper wire. The energy for the device comes from kinematics: by jumping up and down and shaking the device, it can transform up to 17 grams of your subcutaneous body fat into harmless electromagnetic energy and for every 14 minutes of shaking.

I'm also working on a larger version which is unfortunately twice as heavy but is also twice as effective!