With Democrats still reeling from their election losses, some have actually gotten beyond their "Bush hacked the Ohio voting machines" and "Bush used alien mind control rays" phase and have admitted that they need to do something different if they want to continue to exist as a party. Now, normally, I don't give advice to 'the enemy', but just this once I have some suggestions on how the Democrats can fix their party:
1. More beer. More beer == better party. Ask anybody.
2. Jiggle the handle. That almost always works.
3. Pick a new name for yourselves. Something intimidating that will help shake your wimpy peacnik image (no, not "Rainbow Squadron" and, yes, you are that predictable). I'm thinking something more like "Deranged Pscycho Killers With Numerous Blood Splattered Guns and Knives" or maybe just "Michael More Will Devour Non Members."
4. Put out hits on members of your party who lose elections.
5. Instead of accusing Republicans of stealing money from seniors' social security, steal the money yourselves and use it to buy spiffy new matching outfits.
6. No more running of lecherous hillbillies or haughty French-looking candidates.
8. Stop acting gay.
9. Build a really neat tree house and put up a sign that says "Democrats Only". Then everyone will want to become a Democrat so they can come up and see the inside of the treehouse.
10. Adopt Republican beliefs and run under Republican tickets. Hey, it's worked for us.
- earth day
- green toilet
- harsh realities
- interior decorating
- white people