Yesterday, Feb. 15, 2006 - a date which will live in infamy - the dormitory in which I reside was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the forces of President's Hall.

My room was at peace with this hall and, at their solicitation, was still in conversation with the hall council and its RAs looking toward the maintenance of peace in the campus.

Indeed, one hour after President's squadrons had commenced Axe bombing in Baca, the agressors delivered a formal message in person. While this reply stated a denial of guilt, soon the floors, walls, beds, inhabitants, and other items of miscellany were covered in shaving cream.

As chief inhabitant of Baca hall dormitory 204, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense.

Always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us.

No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, we will win through to absolute victory.