This 's bein' a quaint and curious day fer teh life o' me!

I war makin' me way to der cafeteria as usual, an' as usual I be sayin' to der servin' wench, "ARRR!!! GET ME MY RUM YE SCURVY WENCH!" only, she be sayin', "What in the world are you getting on about, Ryan?"

I's not be knowin' about dis "Ryan" character, on account o' my bein' Iron Sam Read, an' I have t' say 'er speech struck me as mighty strange, what wit' not e'en an apostrophe to show fer it. So I figures she must be daft and give 'er me meal card, not complainin's 'bout der abhorrent lack of rum.

Me scurvy food was not der best, but that bein' teh life o' teh pirate.

When me friends arriv'd fer breakfast we's be makin' much noise of teh pirattical sort, and not mindin' any looks from landlubbers, scant few o' them thar though were.

I be emailin' me professor afterwart to be askin' abouts teh homework, though he not be understandin' me fer some reason.

Goin' to class thar be many o' me buccaneers. I's feelin' exception'ly eloquent so I's raise me hand often to be sayin' wot der answer is--only, all me professers didn't call on me save but once each. :(

Laters 's time to eat ag'n. Me mates an' I's decided to rig 'erselves a pirate ship. We be findin' a shoppin' cart fer teh purpose an' fit it wit' a plank an' jolly roger.

Then we's be takin' it fer a spin through teh cafeteria, shoutin' catchy pirate catch phrases an' makin' people walk teh plank til we's bein' kicked out.

'S a day in the life of a pirate.