Ghetto medical equipment has two principal advantages:
(1) It is much cheaper than officially tested and certified equipment.
(2) Using it instills your patients with an appropriate sense of fear.
First, I present my weekend project, an ophthalmoscope:
Made from PVC, binoculars, a digital camera, a child's toy, and some miscellaneous salvaged electronics parts, this device comes with an ON and OFF setting.
Now, of course, you can't be a doctor with just an ophtalmoscope, but I have some other ideas, too:
ECG (electrocardiograph): basically just an oscilloscope, which I already have. Granted, an oscilloscope won't beep when the patient flatlines, but in this economy we cannot afford to entertain such needless frivolities.
Colonoscope: a plumber's snake and a webcam should do the trick.
Anesthetic: ice for topical/local anesthetic, booze for general anesthetic. (being a ghetto physician in the 21st century is a lot like being a perfectly respectable physician in the 19th century)
Anyway, if anyone wants some free medical treatment, I am going to need some practice before I open my doors to the general public.
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