LOOK, said the universe, in a the sort of pleasant, omnipresent voice you might expect from a giant who had just eaten you and wished to persuade you not cause it any indigestion.
I CAN'T GIVE YOU UNLIMITED COSMIC POWER.
Grimzore glared angrily back at, well, mostly he just glared and hoped that it would be very evident to the universe that it was the intended recipient of his aggression.
THERE'S THIS WHOLE FENG-SHUI DEAL I'VE GOT GOING ON. IT'S TAKEN AN AWFUL LONG TIME FOR ME TO GET IT JUST RIGHT. IF YOU START HURLING INTERSTELLAR OBJECTS ABOUT AT A WHIM, YOU WILL TOTALLY MESS IT UP. I'M SORRY, BUT IT'S A DEFINITE NO-CAN-DO.
Grimzore began to fiddle with the seal of the envelope he was holding. . . .
HOWEVER, the universe quickly interjected, I AM PREPARED TO OFFER AN ALTERNATIVE.
* * *
Physicists have long known about the very stingy nature of the universe. For that matter, each "law of conservation" in physics is more popularly known in wizards' circles as an equivalently stated "law of stinginess." It is notoriously hard to get even the tiniest bit of free energy every now and then, no matter how useful and beneficial it might prove to all the involved parties of the affair.
In fact, magic would never have gotten off the ground except for the discovery of an even more powerful and pervasive force in the universe, viz., capitalism.
While it is not possible for anyone to get free energy, it's usually possible to trade for it or, more commonly, charge for it. Basically, the most powerful wizards are those who in civilian life would be the most skilled at finding sneaky ways to exceed their debt limit.
Thus, Grimzore was really not all that surprised that all he had gotten out of capturing the ultimate secret of the universe was a few magic coupons, a cure for his hiccups, and another quest. (He remained resentful, however.)
On that last count, his noble mount galloped fiercely across the lush green meadows of Cameruth with brave determination, its hooves pounding like rhythmic thunder and its main rippling like perilous water rapids. This happened to be exceedingly inconvenient for Grimzore, who was presently nowhere remotely near the lush green meadows of Cameruth.
Fortunately, that came to be of little consequence, because just as he had finished making his way back from the labyrinth whence he had come and edged his way out of the rocky entrance, he decided it would be a good idea to become unconscious, an idea precipitated by the crashing of a large frozen potato into the back of his skull.
- earth day
- green toilet
- harsh realities
- interior decorating
- white people