Time to dust off your old wooden bust of FDR and find a tree to hug, it's Democrat Day!

Most Americans celebrate Democrat Day by taking all of the money the IRS hasn't stolen and sending them the rest. What's different about this Democrat Day is that... Republicans get to spend it! Hahahaha! Too bad they will probably spend it on the same inane socialist crap the Democrats always spend it on. Oh, and blowing stuff up. I guess it's a little better when Republicans squander our hard earned cash.

But being the filthy Republican that I am, I don't think we should have a day to celebrate Democrats. In fact, I think we should replace Democrat Day with an entirely different holiday, which I like to call "I-get-to-keep-my-money Day." This day would also fall on April 15th, but instead of sending my money off to some goons in Washington, I would keep it.

This has several advantages over Democrat Day. First of all, I get to keep my money. Me == happy. Happy == good. Me not kill kittens if happy.

Second, this can easily be extended to other situations, and other days. Example: suppose I'm out in a dark alley in a nice suit tonight and mugger pulls a knife on me. It would seem that he is planning to impose a "dark alley tax" on me. "Give me all your money!" he says. But wait! It's I-get-to-keep-my-money Day! "Sorry dude, it's I-get-to-keep-my-money Day. No money for you." "Aw, man!" he mutters as he is forced to let me go and return to his regular job of stamping 1042s.

People will like I-get-to-keep-my-money Day so much that we will have to make it a week, and then a year. Soon you will always get to keep your money, and congress will have to solicit private donations and sell cookies just to pay the rent on the capitol buildings. Meanwhile, our economy will blossom, the Euroweenies will be crying because we undercut them in every international market, everyone will be prosperous except for jobless hippie Democrats, and if we're lucky, the government will shrivel up and die.

But even more importantly, I will get to keep my money.