I was having a discussion with a friend recently on improving the legalislative branch. The major problem with congress is that there is no personal commitment from them for anything they do. I mean, they spend most of their time as an elected representative out partying while their aids take notes. Laws to them are simply a way of pandering to interests; whether we need them or not, they load us down with more and more bureacracy each year. Taxpayer billions simply constitute the chips with which the game is played. And it doesn't really matter if you lose; you can always just walk away from the game if you botch things up.
Well, not any more. I think it is time to make congress much more meaningful for it's participants, and interesting for us. It is time to bring back gladiatorial combat.
I figure the capitol building will be rebuilt as a Roman colliseum. Legislation will no longer be voted upon and debated, but rather it will be fought for in mortal combat. If the supporters win, the bill passes. If they lose, the bill dies, and so do its sponsors.
The president would watch the games from his royal seat. But he would not be a bystander to the games. In the case of a legislative victory, he would present himself, dressed in his imperial robes, and excercize his right to veto. Thumbs up, and the bill passes. Thumbs down, and his secret service praetorians would dispatch to battle the victors. Only by defeating them could the bill become law.
In the case of impeachment, the president himself would engage in physical combat with the Speaker of the House and the Senate Majority Leader (each fighting according to his allegiances). Victory would prove him innocent. In defeat, the winner would become president.
As you can see, my proposal has numerous advantages over the existing system:
- Lots of needless violence
- I thought of it
- Built in term limits (in daily mortal combat, statistics tend to catch up with you)
- Congresscritters would be much more wary about weighing us down with useless legislation
- Tickets and broadcast rights would reimburse the taxpayers
- As kickbutt as American society is already, nobody would want to mess with us now
- No more electing of complete sissies like John Edwards
- Any idea whose realization would inevitably result in numerous demised politicians is intrinsically good
- earth day
- green toilet
- harsh realities
- interior decorating
- white people