Death by Continental Drift

Supposing you were going for a nice swim on the west coast, when you stub your toe on the beach. BAMMO! You explode and your disembodied remnants are ejectified into the stratusphere. What killed you?

Continental drift.

This is a true fact of science!

If we assume a drift rate of just 5 centimeters a year, this gives us a velocity of 1.6 * 10^-9 meters per second. The North American continent comprises approximately 4.8% of the earth's surface, and the lithosphere, on the whole, weighs approximately 6*10^24 kg, so multiplying that altogether, we get a net momentum of 4.6*10^14 m kg /s.

That's a lot of momentum! And frankly, the human body just cannot handle the impact.