Ach! Christmas!

Yikes! Already I need to start finding/buying presents! How do you do that in a town the size of my old high school?

Well, I suppose I should have seen it coming since the department stores have had Christmas decorations up since July. Even so, it seems like the season snuck up me. Normally, when someone sneaks up on me I would jump and scream in fright, but when Christmas does it all you can really do is sing about it.

At least it's safe to shop here in my little backwater town. For now. You see, most of the town is comprised of college students, and we wouldn't get something done early if our lives depended on it.

Other places, it is like a combat zone without the civility of the Geneva Convention. Seriously, people kill over Robosapiens. When a company introduces a humanlike robot you would expect the robot to be the one doing the killing. At least if you've seen TV. But no, people kill each other just because it's there. I think that's how the machines are going to finally do us in. The robots will build neater and neater robot toys with more blippy lights in smaller and smaller supply until finally world war III breaks out.

What's nuts is the people waiting for blocks outside of Toys 'R Us. Most of these people wouldn't stand in line for thirty minutes to vote, but they'll be camping outside in the parking lot 3 hours before the store opens to make sure they get the latest Annoying Talking Animal Character that everyone is raving about.

If you are planning on shopping in the stores this Christmas, I have this advice for you: wear steel cleats.

This Christmas I have a secret plan. Only you, my faithful readers, will be made privy to its execution. I have made arrangements to sabotage the world battery supply. Come Christmas morn, millions of children will squeel with delight at their fancy new electronic toys only to discover that they are without batteries. They will cry and wail and pound their fists until mommy and daddy finally agree to support my bid for world domination in exchange for a pack of AA batteries. It is perfect!